What Is The Essence of Happiness?
We have evolved to live in a world where we are not alone. The very concept of loneliness exists because we are social beings who crave companionship and love—or feel the absence of it.
In today’s modern world, despite being more connected than ever, we often find ourselves searching for happiness. Yet, all we seem to find are reasons to be unhappy.
The Root of All Problems
In the past, we had tribes to rely on in times of need. Today, we have book clubs, work groups, and friends—modern equivalents of those ancient tribes.
Humanity has thrived because we are social beings. Our ability to rely on one another has compensated for our physical weaknesses and allowed us to survive in a world full of challenges.
We are not alone.
But this interconnectedness comes with a downside.
Because we are social animals, many of our problems stem from the fact that we live in a world with other people. Nearly every issue we face—loneliness, heartbreak, conflict, injustice—is tied to our relationships with others.
If you were the only person on Earth, would you have any problems?
Loneliness wouldn’t exist because the concept itself would be meaningless. There would be no pressure to work, no heartbreaks, no wars, and no social injustice. But we don’t live alone, do we?
We live with other human beings, each with their own circumstances, beliefs, and free will. These differences can clash with our own, creating unavoidable conflicts.
Even if we isolate ourselves, we cannot escape these problems forever.
Happiness Realized
As we grow older, the number of people we trust often diminishes. For years, I believed that happiness was tied to a receiver mentality—constantly asking, “What can I have to be happy?”
No one can blame us for this mindset. We live in a consumerist society where new products—cameras, phones, books, games—are constantly marketed to us as sources of joy.
But anchoring happiness in what we can receive is unsustainable and flawed.
The real question of happiness isn’t “What can I receive?” but “What can I give?”
It’s true that humans can be selfish. We’re imperfect and often self-centered. But we must remember that we evolved to live with others, to rely on one another, and to serve one another.
“One has to stand on one’s own two feet and take one’s own steps forward with the tasks of interpersonal relations. One needs to think not, ‘What will this person give me?’ but rather, ‘What can I give to this person?’ That is commitment to the community.” — Ichiro Kishimi
This idea isn’t new. It’s echoed across cultures and religions:
Christianity: “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” (Matthew 7:12)
Islam: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Hadith)
Judaism: “What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor.” (Talmud, Shabbat 31a)
Buddhism: “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” (Udana-Varga 5:18)
Hinduism: “One should never do that to another which one regards as injurious to one's own self.” (Mahabharata 5:1517)
Confucianism: “Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire.” (Analects 15:24)
Sikhism: “I am a stranger to no one; and no one is a stranger to me. Indeed, I am a friend to all.” (Guru Granth Sahib, p. 1299)
Even organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) emphasize the importance of service. The final step in AA’s Twelve Steps is:
“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”
If you reach a point in your life where your needs are met, yet you still feel unhappy, it may be time to shift from a receiver mentality to a giver mentality. And this doesn’t have to involve material things.
You can lend an ear to a coworker grieving over personal struggles. Or you can take the time to mentor a new hire, helping them navigate the challenges of their first day. Acts of service can be small, everyday gestures that make a big difference.
We need to realize that the essence of happiness lies in service.
Conclusion
Humanity has thrived because we are many. But because we are many, we also find conflict and challenges in others. Our problems arise from the fact that we are not the only humans on Earth.
Yet, it is precisely because we are not alone that we can also find happiness in others. True happiness isn’t found in material possessions or what we can receive—it’s found in what we can give.
In a world where we are all interconnected, the essence of happiness comes from acts done for the sake of others. Service without expectation, love without condition, giving for the sake of giving.
We are not alone. That is precisely why we should live more fully, knowing we can do more because we are not alone.
